I blinked down sleepily at the papers stacked on my folded knees. My chemistry notes stared back at me; words I had read a hundred times and problems I had done a thousand more. But I was doing them again, yippee. But as I traced my finger across the paper a rattled breathe came from my right and reminded me that I wasn’t here just to study for my finals. Amanda lay twisted on the couch next to me, with her boyfriend Jason sitting on the floor next to her; clutching her hand. He made sure she breathed while I made sure her pulse still beat. Really, the chemistry was just a distraction, something to pet with my hands while I watched the flutter in her neck beat at impossible rates, then slow down to normal, feeling my pulse speed up with it.
As long as it doesn’t stop, they said, as long as it doesn’t stop.
And then her breathing; choked, gasping, coughing. Teas and cough drops and pills, but no, no, not the hospital. Too much money, too much trouble, for not enough results. We commandeered one of the dorm’s lounges because we have no place to nurse our sick bird back to health. And there we have been for the week, studying, bringing food, watching horror movies, and chasing away irritating girls who want to watch TV and bake cookies. I think…I should get some medical training. Like emergency response, medications, etc. Just because I want to save animals doesn’t mean I can’t save people too. At least the ones I like.
"It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine."
though it's 1:30am in the morning which may have something to do with that
-Meghan
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Doug: I hate everything about me. Why do you love me?
Someone once described doing the right thing to me as “Imagine the hardest thing in your life you’ve ever had to do. Now imagine it being a permanent weight on your spine that, in a moment of weakness, you can take off. But if you did this everyone that you cared about would think less of you. You can get used to it, eventually, but the temptation to take if off will always be there. That weight is a constant reminder of what is right, and what is easy.”
I like easy. I like finding the simple solution, the quick fix. The problem with this, of course, is that the simple fix is usually the sloppiest. Whatever you’ve created with your simple fix will break down, like a sand castle caught in the rising tide. One moment it stands tall and proud, detail embroidering its parapets and towers; the next it’s just a lump of sand, the rising tide having swept away all that was beautiful and unique about it. Another wave after that… well, the sand just looks the same as it did before your castle ever stood there.
This is if your mortar is nothing but sand and positive thinking. But if your mortar is concrete, your walls reinforced titanium, then, you stand against the waves. The encroaching deep has nothing on your castle of steel and light. Problem with all that is that it takes time, and effort. But your castle stands.
So I guess there really isn’t an option is there? In order to be good, honorable, to earn the right to guard your people, you must be a good man. You must know how to do things the hard way, and must have done things the hard way before.
This is about something. I’m not going to tell you about it if you don’t already know, so don’t ask. But do know that I’m trying; I’m trying really hard to be the shepherd.
But talking ain’t doin.
-Doug
“And I discovered that my castles stand/ upon pillars of salt/ and pillars of sand”
-Coldplay, “Viva la Vida”
I like easy. I like finding the simple solution, the quick fix. The problem with this, of course, is that the simple fix is usually the sloppiest. Whatever you’ve created with your simple fix will break down, like a sand castle caught in the rising tide. One moment it stands tall and proud, detail embroidering its parapets and towers; the next it’s just a lump of sand, the rising tide having swept away all that was beautiful and unique about it. Another wave after that… well, the sand just looks the same as it did before your castle ever stood there.
This is if your mortar is nothing but sand and positive thinking. But if your mortar is concrete, your walls reinforced titanium, then, you stand against the waves. The encroaching deep has nothing on your castle of steel and light. Problem with all that is that it takes time, and effort. But your castle stands.
So I guess there really isn’t an option is there? In order to be good, honorable, to earn the right to guard your people, you must be a good man. You must know how to do things the hard way, and must have done things the hard way before.
This is about something. I’m not going to tell you about it if you don’t already know, so don’t ask. But do know that I’m trying; I’m trying really hard to be the shepherd.
But talking ain’t doin.
-Doug
“And I discovered that my castles stand/ upon pillars of salt/ and pillars of sand”
-Coldplay, “Viva la Vida”
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Jasmine: Return to the Manor
The wind held my wings taut against the sky. I could feel the strength of it stretching muscles that hadn’t been used in…
It felt good to fly, to really fly, not just from one building to the next, but for miles over the untouched country of dreams. It had been too long since I had even begun to feel my muscles ache from work. My body hadn’t been pushed in years and I was feeling it now. A burning fire beat across my shoulders and down my back knotting and twisting me into a ball of pain, but it felt wonderful.
When I finally thought that my wings could take me no further it appeared. I rounded that last mushroom topped peak and the manor was revealed. It was no different from what I remembered. Four floors showed above the earth with untold depths below it. Its halls seemed to span miles but in fact it was no wider than a football field. Great spires rose above each corner and a hollow dome filled the center of the house. An aviary of sorts. The manor sat in the middle of a field of grass and from where I was I could see all the little trails leading to the forest to the stables to the little nooks and crannies of the grounds I used to know well.
I was descending fast when a high pitched chirping flew out to meet me. A flock of gargoyles probably wondering why I hadn’t triggered the alarms surrounded me. The young ones seemed excited to see me, they tried to rub up against me as best they could but all they succeeded in doing was dragging my tired wings to the ground. I collapsed in a heap a couple hundred yards from the manor.
In a moment they were on me, the young gargoyles blocked out the sun with their rumbling granite bodies rubbing and bruising me. I absorbed my wings into my body so they wouldn’t get trampled and concentrated on fussing with every gargoyle from the manor. The flock had grown. Traditionally gargoyles only bred once or twice in a hundred years and I saw five young pups frolicking in the grass, and only three breeding pairs to account for them. I glanced at one of the adults who had wisely stayed away from the bumbling young ones.
“You’ve been busy.” I grinned at him.
“You know me, I do what the lady wishes me to.” He glanced lovingly back at the granite beast overhanging the north east corner. And she nodded to him.
By now the pups had all but forgotten me and had dissolved into a game that amuses all young things, a kind of tag, run, flying, wrestle match where everyone was it and no one was safe. I got to my feet and laid kiss on the muzzle of their proud father and started walking to the manor. With a chirrup he had the whole flock following me, fanning out in a protective pattern.
Was it just a practice exercise for the young ones, or was I truly in danger here? I had no way of telling the difference so I went on as if nothing had changed.
They walked me all the way to the front door then flew back to the roof and their watch posts. The door swung open as I reached for the doorknob revealing a young member of the fire court on the other side.
“Shay?”
She smiled. “Yes, it’s me, I’m surprised you remember me though.”
“There are only five hundred of us, it’s not that difficult to remember you. I take it Enfer is already here if she’s got her people answering the door.”
“Yes, they’re waiting for you in the council chambers.”
Nice of them to get all comfy and seated before I came. I thanked her and headed down a familiar path to an all too familiar room. I could feel Pan on the edge of my mind asking if I wanted her here, I told her yes and suddenly a great black cat was gliding along next to me rubbing her furred side against my leg as a gesture of comfort. I reached down and twined my hand in her fur as we reached the door.
“Here we go” I whispered.
I could feel Pan smiling. She missed council life just as much as I had.
I pushed open the door and we strode into the room looking at the faces around me. Kate, Ratigan, Julia, Sarah, and Marguerite. I sighed a little in relief. He wasn’t here, I don’t think I would have handled it well if he’d been in the room and I sent a silent thanks to whomever had thought not to include him. Kate looked up at me and nodded, I thought it had been her. That handled I turned my attention to Marguerite who was now seated at my spot on the table. I stared at her long enough that Kate spoke up.
“You weren’t here. We had to appoint someone to take your place at the table.”
I turned to her gesturing to Ratigan. “You left the chair of fire open.”
“There was no one left here from her house. From yours however we had options.”
“And from those options you chose Marguerite.”
“She was your Temoin, your second in command. The seat was her right.”
I knew all of this but to see her pert little ass denting my cushion made me want to light the world on fire.
“Get out of my chair girl.”
She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes as if to say “make me.” it was an old game between us, one I had not forgotten but had missed playing. I waved my hand and the chair disappeared from beneath her reappearing under me. The look on her face as her butt hit the ground brought a smile to my face. Glaring at me she sent a servant for another less powerful chair and we got down to business.
It felt good to fly, to really fly, not just from one building to the next, but for miles over the untouched country of dreams. It had been too long since I had even begun to feel my muscles ache from work. My body hadn’t been pushed in years and I was feeling it now. A burning fire beat across my shoulders and down my back knotting and twisting me into a ball of pain, but it felt wonderful.
When I finally thought that my wings could take me no further it appeared. I rounded that last mushroom topped peak and the manor was revealed. It was no different from what I remembered. Four floors showed above the earth with untold depths below it. Its halls seemed to span miles but in fact it was no wider than a football field. Great spires rose above each corner and a hollow dome filled the center of the house. An aviary of sorts. The manor sat in the middle of a field of grass and from where I was I could see all the little trails leading to the forest to the stables to the little nooks and crannies of the grounds I used to know well.
I was descending fast when a high pitched chirping flew out to meet me. A flock of gargoyles probably wondering why I hadn’t triggered the alarms surrounded me. The young ones seemed excited to see me, they tried to rub up against me as best they could but all they succeeded in doing was dragging my tired wings to the ground. I collapsed in a heap a couple hundred yards from the manor.
In a moment they were on me, the young gargoyles blocked out the sun with their rumbling granite bodies rubbing and bruising me. I absorbed my wings into my body so they wouldn’t get trampled and concentrated on fussing with every gargoyle from the manor. The flock had grown. Traditionally gargoyles only bred once or twice in a hundred years and I saw five young pups frolicking in the grass, and only three breeding pairs to account for them. I glanced at one of the adults who had wisely stayed away from the bumbling young ones.
“You’ve been busy.” I grinned at him.
“You know me, I do what the lady wishes me to.” He glanced lovingly back at the granite beast overhanging the north east corner. And she nodded to him.
By now the pups had all but forgotten me and had dissolved into a game that amuses all young things, a kind of tag, run, flying, wrestle match where everyone was it and no one was safe. I got to my feet and laid kiss on the muzzle of their proud father and started walking to the manor. With a chirrup he had the whole flock following me, fanning out in a protective pattern.
Was it just a practice exercise for the young ones, or was I truly in danger here? I had no way of telling the difference so I went on as if nothing had changed.
They walked me all the way to the front door then flew back to the roof and their watch posts. The door swung open as I reached for the doorknob revealing a young member of the fire court on the other side.
“Shay?”
She smiled. “Yes, it’s me, I’m surprised you remember me though.”
“There are only five hundred of us, it’s not that difficult to remember you. I take it Enfer is already here if she’s got her people answering the door.”
“Yes, they’re waiting for you in the council chambers.”
Nice of them to get all comfy and seated before I came. I thanked her and headed down a familiar path to an all too familiar room. I could feel Pan on the edge of my mind asking if I wanted her here, I told her yes and suddenly a great black cat was gliding along next to me rubbing her furred side against my leg as a gesture of comfort. I reached down and twined my hand in her fur as we reached the door.
“Here we go” I whispered.
I could feel Pan smiling. She missed council life just as much as I had.
I pushed open the door and we strode into the room looking at the faces around me. Kate, Ratigan, Julia, Sarah, and Marguerite. I sighed a little in relief. He wasn’t here, I don’t think I would have handled it well if he’d been in the room and I sent a silent thanks to whomever had thought not to include him. Kate looked up at me and nodded, I thought it had been her. That handled I turned my attention to Marguerite who was now seated at my spot on the table. I stared at her long enough that Kate spoke up.
“You weren’t here. We had to appoint someone to take your place at the table.”
I turned to her gesturing to Ratigan. “You left the chair of fire open.”
“There was no one left here from her house. From yours however we had options.”
“And from those options you chose Marguerite.”
“She was your Temoin, your second in command. The seat was her right.”
I knew all of this but to see her pert little ass denting my cushion made me want to light the world on fire.
“Get out of my chair girl.”
She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes as if to say “make me.” it was an old game between us, one I had not forgotten but had missed playing. I waved my hand and the chair disappeared from beneath her reappearing under me. The look on her face as her butt hit the ground brought a smile to my face. Glaring at me she sent a servant for another less powerful chair and we got down to business.
Doug: Dreams and Memories
Daniel’s eyes snap open in the darkness, physically stopping his body from twitching. He fancies he can smell gunpowder and hear faint screams, but they are just memories. They sometimes come at night, without cause or warning.
Next to him, Irene stirs. He had hoped he hadn’t woken her, but she’d always been a light sleeper. “Dream?” She asks softly, perhaps hoping she hadn’t felt him awake.
“No,” he shakes his head, “memory.” The imagined smell of burning flesh lingers in his nostrils. He sits up, after a moment, Irene does as well, sheet falling from her naked body. She turns, nuzzling his neck. He doesn’t respond. She pulls back to look him in the eyes. They are distant, not seeing.
“Hey.” The ice blue eyes hold steady, “Come back to me.”
They flicker, change to a deeper shade. He forces a smile, “Hi.”
She kisses him then, softly. “You’re here now. You’re safe.”
“I know, I just forget, sometimes.”
“Come back to bed.” She lies down again, pulling him down with her.
He wraps his arms around her, nuzzles her neck softly. She purrs in contentment. His eyes stay open, staring at her hair, her face, marveling in her beauty. This beautiful creature always knows how to bring him back from the night. There is no place he feels safer, no other place where he feels truly at home.
A long time later, he shuts his eyes, and sleeps.
Next to him, Irene stirs. He had hoped he hadn’t woken her, but she’d always been a light sleeper. “Dream?” She asks softly, perhaps hoping she hadn’t felt him awake.
“No,” he shakes his head, “memory.” The imagined smell of burning flesh lingers in his nostrils. He sits up, after a moment, Irene does as well, sheet falling from her naked body. She turns, nuzzling his neck. He doesn’t respond. She pulls back to look him in the eyes. They are distant, not seeing.
“Hey.” The ice blue eyes hold steady, “Come back to me.”
They flicker, change to a deeper shade. He forces a smile, “Hi.”
She kisses him then, softly. “You’re here now. You’re safe.”
“I know, I just forget, sometimes.”
“Come back to bed.” She lies down again, pulling him down with her.
He wraps his arms around her, nuzzles her neck softly. She purrs in contentment. His eyes stay open, staring at her hair, her face, marveling in her beauty. This beautiful creature always knows how to bring him back from the night. There is no place he feels safer, no other place where he feels truly at home.
A long time later, he shuts his eyes, and sleeps.
Meghan: Break
I love you
I hate you
I just want to break you
Make you
Mmmmm…. Can’t you feel that?
Burn
Glory be, and glory me
Can the little people see?
Run girl run cause I will take you
Let me loose you know I’ll save you
Save me?
Oh you make me laugh
Laughing laughing
Down to the farm
Where the walls are white
All the doors locked tight
And these flames won’t dance anymore
Rattle those bars and shake those chains
Don’t you feel it?
I can’t stop it
Oh they’re breaking
Oh they’re crumbling
What? Come back my walls, my precious walls
What have you done?
Not me my love
Not me
you
-Meghan
I hate you
I just want to break you
Make you
Mmmmm…. Can’t you feel that?
Burn
Glory be, and glory me
Can the little people see?
Run girl run cause I will take you
Let me loose you know I’ll save you
Save me?
Oh you make me laugh
Laughing laughing
Down to the farm
Where the walls are white
All the doors locked tight
And these flames won’t dance anymore
Rattle those bars and shake those chains
Don’t you feel it?
I can’t stop it
Oh they’re breaking
Oh they’re crumbling
What? Come back my walls, my precious walls
What have you done?
Not me my love
Not me
you
-Meghan
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Questions?
So, my sex class is having a Q&A session tomorrow, and we're allowed to ask any question even remotely related to sex. So, if you have any questions you want answered, email me the list by 1230 tommorrow, and I'll see what i can do about getting them answered.
-Doug
-Doug
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Doug: I wanna heal.
Imagine a beat that starts slow, then builds in speed and strength until what started as the whisper of the wind in the bushes becomes a howling whirlwind that rips trees from their roots, turns houses into matchsticks,and makes mountains tremble.
This is how I feel right now. I ooze power and energy, and want to wreck shit. i've been drilling for like, two hours, in the rain. Which is miserable, but miserable situations somehow, and I don't know how, bring out the motivated Doug.
Operational Tempo is high for these last two weeks. ROTC is making up for the fact that they have nothing for us to do finals week by tripling on the things we have to do this week. No Worries though. Marines got this shit handled. As usual.
I can't wait to get home, and look forward to it with great intensity. There are things in my way, but like all other marines in history, I will attack these obstacles with speed and intensity.
If the obstacle is in my path, I will move it.
If the obstacle is immovable, I will go over it.
If it is insurmountable I will go around it.
If I cannot go around it or over it I will go under it.
If I cannot do any of these things. I will ask my specialist to break out the Charlie 4.
If that does not remove the obstacle, I will personally tear that obsticle apart with my bare fucking hands.
Yeah, i'm going home.
Try and stop me.
I dare you.
-Doug
"I wanna find something I wanted all along. Somewhere I belong."
-Linkin Park, "Somewhere I Belong."
This is how I feel right now. I ooze power and energy, and want to wreck shit. i've been drilling for like, two hours, in the rain. Which is miserable, but miserable situations somehow, and I don't know how, bring out the motivated Doug.
Operational Tempo is high for these last two weeks. ROTC is making up for the fact that they have nothing for us to do finals week by tripling on the things we have to do this week. No Worries though. Marines got this shit handled. As usual.
I can't wait to get home, and look forward to it with great intensity. There are things in my way, but like all other marines in history, I will attack these obstacles with speed and intensity.
If the obstacle is in my path, I will move it.
If the obstacle is immovable, I will go over it.
If it is insurmountable I will go around it.
If I cannot go around it or over it I will go under it.
If I cannot do any of these things. I will ask my specialist to break out the Charlie 4.
If that does not remove the obstacle, I will personally tear that obsticle apart with my bare fucking hands.
Yeah, i'm going home.
Try and stop me.
I dare you.
-Doug
"I wanna find something I wanted all along. Somewhere I belong."
-Linkin Park, "Somewhere I Belong."
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