Some people see their lives as a symphony to god. They live as though god himself were their conductor, directing their crescendos and decrescendos. They are not in control of their world except that they could play the wrong note or the right one at the wrong time and conductor god would be angry with them. If they follow the music at the end of it they have this neatly wrapped gift of a life and hand it over to god and go “what do you think god?” almost as if that symphony, their life were their ticket to eternal happiness, depending on how well they played.
But I am not a religious person, not beyond the awe I have over the ability of living things to function at all and the reverence I show on behalf of how much we don’t understand about this universe.
I try to live my life as such that I would rather be myself than anyone else. So that if some power offered me the chance to switch lives with someone else I would refuse. To me this is a much better way of living, pleasing myself, having pride in myself, instead of god, or my parents, or my friends. Because if I am happy in the way I live my life, proud of who I’ve become and looking forward to my future than anyone who doesn’t agree with my path in life doesn’t matter.
I try to live this way
But I still have far to go before I’m there
So for now all I can do is hold onto this ideal and do what I can to make myself this person I so want to be. Thank you Clint for your insight and eloquence. You are a better person by societies standards than I will ever want to be, yet you are still an interesting guy.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Jasmine: Colon Cancer
“Hello, welcome to Kaufman’s!” Erin’s voice was falsely cheery and grated on my self control for the umpteenth time today. There was truly only so much a retail employee could take and I imagined us both pulling out matching 5.11 knives that sales reps had forced upon us and dueling it out in the holster aisle.
Today was exactly like every other day. I folded the same pair of pants I had already folded twice today and seven or thirty-two times the day before. Anna stared dully into a cabinet memorizing the prices of everything there so than when called upon she could spout out numbers like a computer for the cashier. Anna was good with memorization, she could kick ass at that card game.
A thin tall man with curly brown hair and a small sickly looking boy with a brown bag attached to his side and the same hair walked within fifteen feet of me. I hurried to go see if I could acquire a sale and ensure that I would have a job tomorrow.
“Is there something I could help you two with?” I said putting on my brightest smile and affecting my most joyous, buy lots of expensive things that you don’t need or let me convince you that you do need them and then buy them if that’ll make you feel better voice.
“Actually yes, as you can see here my son’s colostomy bag is almost full and we were wondering if you carried the replacement bags?” he gestured to the brown bag attached to his sons side like a leach. So that’s what it was. It was okay as a retail employee you get used to all manner of body fluids. I was no colostomy bag virgin.
“Of course we do” I smiled potentially blinding the man, but if he couldn’t see I could just put things on the counter and force him to buy things. Or offer him a pair of three hundred dollar sunglasses guaranteed to mute the glare of my smile.
This was the automatic response drilled into us by Renee. She’s one of the owners and looks terrifying in and out of leather. The only time this response was proven wrong was in the case of the hot pink pipe cleaners, and this was only because a Girl Scout troop had cleaned out our entire stock minutes before. It turned out okay because Renee had already ordered more which would be there in a few hours. But even so, the shame is still with us all.
I led the man and his gross pale son with the bag of poop attached to his side to the colostomy bag aisle. “Here are adult bags, probably too big, and the girls bags,” I motioned to the Barbie and frog princess bedazzled bags, “probably not eh, but these will do.” Along half the aisle were rows of monster truck patterned bags, Aladdin, GI Joe, Buzz Lightyear and even a serial killer collage one. Under new arrivals was…
“Wall E!” the kid squealed. The new arrivals sign was a lie. Renee over ordered and we were supposed to push the Wall E bags to make room for more merchandise.
The young boy giggled delightedly holding the wall e bag in his hands. At that moment his current bag, a Spiderman one, filled so we took him to Dodee to fit him into the new on and after paying an exorbitant fee, probably three times as much as one would pay at Wall-mart, and after Erin managed to force them each to buy a pair of Oakley sunglasses for them and their pets, they were happily on their way.
I moved to the shirt wall where I proceeded to make every shirt the exact same size as all the other shirts and arranged them into a beautiful even stack that not even Renee could scowl at… though she would try.
Today was exactly like every other day. I folded the same pair of pants I had already folded twice today and seven or thirty-two times the day before. Anna stared dully into a cabinet memorizing the prices of everything there so than when called upon she could spout out numbers like a computer for the cashier. Anna was good with memorization, she could kick ass at that card game.
A thin tall man with curly brown hair and a small sickly looking boy with a brown bag attached to his side and the same hair walked within fifteen feet of me. I hurried to go see if I could acquire a sale and ensure that I would have a job tomorrow.
“Is there something I could help you two with?” I said putting on my brightest smile and affecting my most joyous, buy lots of expensive things that you don’t need or let me convince you that you do need them and then buy them if that’ll make you feel better voice.
“Actually yes, as you can see here my son’s colostomy bag is almost full and we were wondering if you carried the replacement bags?” he gestured to the brown bag attached to his sons side like a leach. So that’s what it was. It was okay as a retail employee you get used to all manner of body fluids. I was no colostomy bag virgin.
“Of course we do” I smiled potentially blinding the man, but if he couldn’t see I could just put things on the counter and force him to buy things. Or offer him a pair of three hundred dollar sunglasses guaranteed to mute the glare of my smile.
This was the automatic response drilled into us by Renee. She’s one of the owners and looks terrifying in and out of leather. The only time this response was proven wrong was in the case of the hot pink pipe cleaners, and this was only because a Girl Scout troop had cleaned out our entire stock minutes before. It turned out okay because Renee had already ordered more which would be there in a few hours. But even so, the shame is still with us all.
I led the man and his gross pale son with the bag of poop attached to his side to the colostomy bag aisle. “Here are adult bags, probably too big, and the girls bags,” I motioned to the Barbie and frog princess bedazzled bags, “probably not eh, but these will do.” Along half the aisle were rows of monster truck patterned bags, Aladdin, GI Joe, Buzz Lightyear and even a serial killer collage one. Under new arrivals was…
“Wall E!” the kid squealed. The new arrivals sign was a lie. Renee over ordered and we were supposed to push the Wall E bags to make room for more merchandise.
The young boy giggled delightedly holding the wall e bag in his hands. At that moment his current bag, a Spiderman one, filled so we took him to Dodee to fit him into the new on and after paying an exorbitant fee, probably three times as much as one would pay at Wall-mart, and after Erin managed to force them each to buy a pair of Oakley sunglasses for them and their pets, they were happily on their way.
I moved to the shirt wall where I proceeded to make every shirt the exact same size as all the other shirts and arranged them into a beautiful even stack that not even Renee could scowl at… though she would try.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Jasmine: I love you
I love you
?
I just felt like saying it
?
There’s this song that keeps playing on the radio and I like it very much and basically the message is tell the people you love that you love them as often as possible because they might be gone tomorrow or even later today. I love you.
I love you too
?
I just felt like saying it
?
There’s this song that keeps playing on the radio and I like it very much and basically the message is tell the people you love that you love them as often as possible because they might be gone tomorrow or even later today. I love you.
I love you too
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