Sarah: So Frustrated

I'm so frustrated with people not understanding who I am. So upset. I have told them. I really have, but I am still so alone. No one has been where I have been or seen what I have seen and I mean that quite literally. In a world where children grow up in America with similar surroundings and experiences, I traveled around the globe, developed a different view and have thoughts that no one can guess or interpret. People think that I make the actions that I make because of some manner that they have rationalized in their brains with what they know. I don't smoke weed because I don't want to, not because I've passed any judgement on those who have or think that they use it as a crutch to deal with the world. I don't. They could just smoke it to smoke it. I just don't because I don't. This extends beyond simple reasonings. This extends to Simon thinking that I believe in God because my parents do, not because I have seen his miracles around the world and the breath of God in every living thing on the world. This extends to those who believe that I am environmental because I care about recycling and doing right - no rather I've seen the rainforest in Malaysia burnt to the ground for agriculture, for the shit we consume every single day. For the people who think that I cut every detail of what I feel into little pieces, that I worry to much about decisions that they think are normal or "not a big deal," they cannot look at my life through their eyes, because they do not know what its like to have this disorder this depression. Simply separating reality from my mind is difficult, is why I talk so much, is why I'm so open. Being in lock-down emotionally is what fed my sadness without reason. I have come to the conclusion that while a few people can understand, can see me just for who I am, they are not like me. I feel alone. However, I love them more than anyone else who cannot even see me. See me the way that I am, not the way that their littles minds must think that I feel or exist. Thank you for few of you that can see me. I'm sorry that you have a hard time feeling me. I'm different.
And for the rest of you. Just leave me alone. I'm tired of tryting to explain myself to you. Live your life and stop messing with mine. Or if you must try and understand, at least make an honest go of it. Don't just look for what you expect to see. Just look and see.
This is why I'm so incredibly lonely.
I am that different. Deal with it.