Doug: Whispering Voices

Dear Reader,

Some words just roll off the tongue, are pleasing to the palette of the muse. Some words are similar to mountain air, to use them can be compared to inhaling deeply at some great height. Some words are like cherries, in that the simple delight of eating just one can often be a universe of sensation unto itself. Some words have meanings as deep and still as a well, and a thousand times as dark.

I like words. I like to fancy myself a wordsmith, or at the very least an apprentice in the complicated art of the mastery of locution. However, the truth is that even an apprentice would have far greater a mastery of the hammers and tongs of diction than I. Still, I feebly stab at it, trying, by virtue of incredible luck and infinite repetition, to find the nut that the blind squirrel missed.

To that end I often find myself visiting online thesauruses, desperately searching for the word that makes me sound far more educated than I actually am. Despite this searching, I often find several words or phases pop up in my writing in a repetitive basis. Sometimes these words are in different languages, or are sometimes made up by myself. Frustrating is one of them.

To my infinite chagrin, my verbal diction is often colorless as well, or rather, colored in a manner unsuitable to the person I would like to be. Four letter words often creep into my speech and writing, and while sometimes there is nothing more satisfying that letting loose an extreme barrage of expletives, the effect rendered is less than spectacular if it is done more than twice a year.

However, on the eve of this writing, one word comes to mind. It is not in our language, yet is still one of my favorite words. It is Makaze.

Makaze is a Japanese word meaning "Evil Wind". The word Kamakaze means "Divine Wind", although the use of Kamakaze bombers in the Second World War have tarnished the great word. Kamakaze was originally used in ancient Japan, when, on the eve of invasion by Mongolian Naval forces, Scholars and Japanese warriors witnessed, "A Divine Wind arise, and smash the invader's fleet to driftwood." The Japanese were ill prepared for this invasion, and, were it not for the "Kamakaze" they would have been occupied by the Mongols. It saddens me that the name of this extraordinary event has been tarnished by a blood sacrifice in the name of a military regime.

Still, it is neither Kamakaze, nor Makaze which concern me this evening, but rather the word within the word. Kaze. Japanese for wind.

In light of the nature of this blog, I feel it important to establish a few facts before we move on to the point and purpose that I've been dancing around for the past few paragraphs. My friends, with the notable exception of Abe, have all gone to college. Class for Meghan started more than a week ago, and Sarah and Jasmine began this morning. Abe's working two jobs, and might as well be going to school for all the work he's doing. Leaving only me.

Everyone is doing something, and I'm still in a holding pattern, high above the ground. One thing that should be known about me is that I'm a Jack of All Trades. Meaning I can do anything I set my mind to, and do it fairly well. Most of the time it's good to be a Jack of All Trades. However, we are wired differently. Because of our nature, we can't do any one thing for any length of time, we experience what the Germans like to call Fernweh, or "An ache for the distance".

Wanderlust.

My family, because that's what they are, Abe, Sarah, Jasmine, Meghan, are settling into their places, getting comfortable, finding their way.

Meanwhile. Voices whisper in my ear, like the wind.

I both hate and love these voices. They are responsible for both the worst and best times in my life. My highest triumphs, my darkest lows. They've helped me through, and driven me down. I cannot resist these voices, to try is to delve into madness. They've been quiet for some time, but now they whisper again. Rustling in the trees, sighing in time to the canyons, a feather touch on my face. "Time to go." And I agree. It's time for me to wander again.

Still, I love this place. This town. The people here. I've built a home here. A life. We laughed, we loved, we fought, we cried. A good friend of mine died here. I fell in love here. I've invested enough of myself here to feel the pangs of leaving.

I have three weeks left. I intend to make the most of them. I will live, I will laugh, I will love, and I will play. Because I will miss this place, these people, this family.

But I absolutely must go. My Kaze calls.

-Doug

"I accept your verdict, but not the sentence. I have a destiny."
-Richard, LFG