Meghan: The Kit

One fine day in the middle of whenever, four of the Fearsome Fivesome decided to go see a movie.
Not just any movie. Iron Man.
(If you’ve seen this movie you know just how epic it is and fanfare probably starts playing in your head whenever you hear the name)
Anywho we drove to the theatre and bought our tickets while Doug and That Guy ranted in line about the film we were about to partake. If there was an alter to Iron Man, I’d say they would have sacrificed young children on it.
After snagging bags of candy we marched into the theatre to claim our seats.
The movie started.
Words cannot describe, you just have to see it.
If you want a spoiler, here’s the one I give to anyone who ever asks me for one: EVERYONE DIES!!!
There happy? Feel better? Okay let’s continue…
The movie ended and people filtered out slowly as the screen listed off the credits.
But the show was not over.
Jasmine and I turned slowly to look at Doug, holding our breath, tensing for the moment…
He started to twitch.
No, twitch isn’t the word that comes to mind; seize would probably be more accurate. And as he thrashed about in his seat he ranted maniacally about the pure epic-ness of the movie he’d just seen.
“Shit, it’s happening.” I said tersely, “GET THE KIT!!!!”
Jasmine pulled a gigantic briefcase out from under her chair that we bring with us when we see movies. She popped it open on her lap and rows of pills and bottles could be seen. She searched frantically for the bottle labeled ‘Iron Man’ but there were a lot of pills to go through. We really should have reorganized the thing after we went to see Wall-E. I climbed over to help her search while Doug continued his thrashing. Batman, 27 Dresses, Star Wars, Rambo, and Bearkillers all flew past my fingers. Aaaahhh… Those were good times. I stared off into the air with misty nostalgia until a bottle pinged off my forehead. I looked at Jasmine, who had thrown it.
“Quit getting distracted!” She held up the Iron Man bottle “We have to administer this.”
We looked at the writhing Doug, then at the bottle.
Normally we could have That Guy restrain Doug while we forced the pills down his throat, but That Guy was still basking in his own post-movie glow.
So I pulled out a pair of handcuffs as well as a long length of rope that I keep in my bag for such emergencies.
Jasmine and I circled Doug warily; climbing nimbly over the chairs. She was armed with the pills and me with the restraints. I lassoed him with the rope and jumped on his back. He bucked like a bronco, but I rode him down and as we both collapsed I handcuffed him to his movie chair. Jasmine jumped on his lap and forced his head back by his hair, popping his mouth open. She flicked the lid off of the bottle and poured in five metallic red pills. Then she closed his mouth and pinched his nose, forcing him to swallow. We both tried to hold him still as he thrashed violently. Then the pills slid down his throat and into his stomach (this took a matter of seconds; they were Iron Man pills after all). Doug quieted and Jasmine took her hand from his mouth.
We looked down at him warily.
“I’m okay.” He panted,
“Yeah right.” Jasmine said, “That’s what you said after you watched 27 Dresses and then you started crying.”
“I did not cry.”
“Yes you did”
He growled and she whacked his head with the bottle.
I sighed and started untying the restraints. Another disaster averted, another world saved, just another day.
-Meghan