Doug: I can't speak above a whisper now.

"GET IN MY OFFICE WOOD!"

"AYE AYE GUNNERY SERGEANT!"

"REPORT IN LIKE YOU'VE BEEN TOLD!"

"AYE AYE GUNNERY SERGEANT! MIDSHIPMAN WOOD REPORTING AS-"

"GET THE FUCK IN HERE. SHUT MY HATCH!"

"AYE AYE GUNNERY SERGEANT!"

"WHAT HAPPENED THIS MORNING WOOD? WHAT HAPPENED? WHY IS BULLDOG SO MESSED UP? WHY DO I HAVE SOME MIDSHIPMEN IN FULL FUCKING CAMMIES, AND SOME IN BOOTS AND UTES? READ THIS EMAIL WOOD! READ IT!"

"AYE AYE GUNNERY SERGEANT!

Bulldog,

Friday we will be wearing woodland MARPAT utility uniform with deuce gear (H-harness or LBV and canteens). We will be mustering at Denny field at 0630, running down to the Arboretum, and from there we will pick up rifles as well as ammo cans to conduct an endurance run through the Arboretum. We will drop the rifle and ammo can at the vans near the Arboretum after and run back to clark.

For Saturday's Field exercise, I will have a handout for all of you to look at regarding fire team basic tactics and hand and arm signals. Come see me Thursday afternoon to get this or after PT on Friday. I will also be giving a course to the freshmen on this during friday at 0830, 0930, 1030, and 1130. Anyone else is welcome to come.

Very Respectfully,
MIDN 1/C Bergman"

"IT SAID WE WERE PICKING UP THE RIFLES AT THE ARBORETUM, DIDN'T IT WOOD?"

"YES GUNNERY SERGEANT!"

"WELL WHY DID WE HAUL THEM ALL THE WAY FROM CLARK HALL TO THE ARBORETUM INSTEAD? THROUGH CIVILIAN AREAS?! .... WHY!!!!!?"

"NO EXCUSE GUNNERY SERGEANT!"

A dictionary slams into the wall by my head. I do not flinch.

"LOOK UP LEADERSHIP WOOD! TELL ME WHAT IT MEANS!"

"AYE AYE GUNNERY SERGEANT!" a mad scramble through pages.

"LEADERSHIP! NOUN! ONE: THE POSITION OR FUNCTION OF A LEADER! TWO: ABILITY TO LEAD! THREE: AN ACT OR INSTANCE OF LEADING! FOUR: THE LEADERS OF A GROUP!"

"THAT SOUND LIKE WHAT YOU DID THIS MORNING WOOD?!"

"NO GUNNERY SERGEANT!"

"ARE YOU FIT TO LEAD ME?!"

"NO GUNNERY SERGEANT!"

"DO YOU WANT TO BE FIT TO LEAD ME?"

"YES GUNNERY SERGEANT!" Almost a snarl.

"THEN FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT WOOD! LEAD! YOU'RE THE PLATOON SERGEANT! UNIFORMITY IS ON YOU! MAKING SURE SHIT GOES DOWN CORRECTLY IS ON YOU!"

"YES GUNNERY SERGEANT!"

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE WOOD!"

"AYE AYE GUNNERY SERGEANT!"

Every time I do not break in front of this man, I count as a victory. I fucked up this morning. But I won the endgame.

-WOOD

"The bended knee is not the tradition of our Corps."
General Alexander A. Vandergrift, USMC 1946