Doug: The Creative Process

I always write my blogs on word before I post them online.

Why?

Blank pages intimidate me.

I have ideas in my head, stories formed and reformed a million times between neurons, burning, eating up my insides trying to get out.

But when I see this blank page in front of me I freeze.

Deer in the headlights.

Bang. Endgame.

I get this feeling in my gut. Sort of like being kicked in the balls. A little nausea. Plenty of fear.

What if I fuck this up?

Sometimes I get the courage to type a word. A sentence.

Sometimes stories come out. Some good, sometimes.

Occasionally brilliance strikes. Lightning. Something tumbles out that I can be proud of. I’m kind of embarrassed about this. Normally I’m wondering how I got lucky enough to write something worthwhile.

I’ve got this thing bouncing around. It’s big. Not big, massive. I’m creating an entire universe within my skull. It’s got planets and spaceships. It’s politics and true love. Some peace, mostly war, Swashbuckling heroes and nasty bad men. I’m planning it down to the Ts and Is. This idea is too big for me. And it’s only coming in flashes. I’ve only really got the first scene in the first book down. There’s going to be at least three.

I have other characters. The main guy and the bad guy elude me. I’m having real difficulty defining true evil, as opposed to just misunderstood. Too many shades of grey. It’s just like my life actually. Way too many shades of grey. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if it’s not really your friends who are your enemies, and your enemies your friends.

Try saying that three times fast.

This will come out of me eventually. I am not pulling it out of the cave, I’m gaining it’s trust, soon we will join hands and step out into the light together, this story and I. I swear this on all the gods, dark and light.

I will bring you into the light.

-Doug