Doug: Whoops

So, I made a stupid.

Last night, while on watch, I decided that I'd finally get around to buying Jasmine's birthday present. She already knows what it is, so I don't feel bad posting about it.

Apparently ever since she saw Resident Evil 3, Jasmine has wanted a Kukri Machete, just like the ones that Alice uses in the movie to deal death to stinky zombies. Kukri's have a long and rather interesting history, most of it bloody. It is essentially a Nepalise tool/weapon knife, similar to the pukko in that it can be used for gutting recently killed game... or gutting your neighbor when he looks funny at your sister.

So, I did some research. I asked Sgt. Google about Kukri's. I asked Sgt. Google about Gurkhas, a type British colonial infantry that used Kukris. I asked my brother about his Kukri.

Finally, I looked online for some Kukri's. I found a really nice one at Cheaperthandirt.com, a shooting/survivalist/hunting website that has a pretty good reputation.

So, imagine me, bored out of my mind on watch in the wardroom, surfing the internet and watching Burn Notice. I realize that I have yet to buy Jasmine's birthday present. Even though her birthday was the day before. Whoops. Well, the plan was to give it to her on spring break anyway. Still, I decided I should probably get on it.

So I whip out the trusty Gold debit card and fill out an account and go through the relatively simple process of buying shit online. And then I click "Purchase."

And nothing happens.

Meh, whatever, it must be user error, right? I go back, make sure all my contact info is correct, and click again.

And nothing happens.

A third time. This time a little message pops up and tells me I've messed up the order process.

I have the sudden and violent urge to throw my computer out the window. BUT. I'm patient, I try again.

Apparently, I have used up all my credit card authorizations for today.

Imagine a small nuclear bomb ticking closer and closer to critical mass in the upstairs wardroom of Clark Hall. This is but a fraction of my emotional fury.

But I calm. I am the warm center of the universe. I am the eye of the storm.

And then I check my bank account... And the bomb goes off.

Apparently I have ordered the same item, this stupid fucking KUKRI, not one, not two, not three, but FOUR TIMES. I have a total of about thirty dollars in my account, where there was once around two hundred and fifty. I exist in a world of RAGE.

Sigh. I am calm. I am centered. I am going to call up everyone at this fucking store and CALMLY tear their arms and legs off. We'll see how they fix their computer order taking system when their fingers are shoved into every available orifice. The new nickname for their customer service department will be "Department Stumpy."

Jasmine will get her Kukri. But it might come slightly used.

That is all.

-Doug

"It is my fondest desire to bust a host of caps into a multitude of asses."
-Fables 'March of the Wooden Soldiers'