That guy: Etiquette

A brief list.

It is a basic assumption, but a well tried one.

If you are at a concert, it is because you like the band.

If you do not like the band, you should not be at the show.

If you don’t like the opening bands, deal. You’re there for the headliners.

If there is more than one headliner, and you don’t like one of them, either deal if they play first, or leave after ‘your’ show is over.


Don’t boo. See above reasons.



Rules for a ‘softer’ show:

Crowd surfing is always a good thing.
However, crowd surfing in a crowd of 14yearold girls doesn’t work so well. They simply lack the upper body strength to send you around.
Also, sides of beef should not crowd surf. A crowd surfer should be easy to lift and fling. Not a grotesque workout. Stay down, fattie.


You are not at a hardcore show. Do not try to mosh.

If you do try to push people, expect to be pushed back.

People. You are at a show. Movement and violence happen. If you start getting pushed, deal. No need to flip a shit. If people fall over, help them up. You’re at Jimmy and the Pop Princess, not BloodSlaughter. Be courteous.

If you are at a softer show, expect lots of underage girls. Always, ALWAYS check id. If they are too young to smoke afterwards, it shouldn’t be happening. You do not know this person. There is no guarantee you’re covered because she said it’s ok.

There are lots of girls there. That means lots of screaming. Really loud screaming.Deal.

Girls, you are 12. Do not throw your training bra on stage. That’s pretty freaking nasty. Also, your parents will be upset they have to pick you up and buy you more. Don’t you have a bedtime?

If you text one more time, I will break your phone in half.



Rules for a hardcore show:
YOU ARE AT A HARDCORE SHOW. THINGS GET CRAZY. FUCKING DEAL WITH IT.

If you are interested in being at the front of the crowd, you are going to be squeezed. Don’t turn around and try to beat up the guy behind you for being too close.

If you are getting uncomfortable, broken, beaten, or something of the sort, you have three options.
1. Push your way out of the crowd. People will let you out. They will not let you back in.
2. If that doesn’t work, and you’re getting claustrophobic or some shit, you can have the security guys pull you over the fence and escort you to the back of the crowd. It works.
3. Deal. You’re at a hardcore show.


If you are not interested in moshing, you should go see a ‘soft’ show. Get tickets for GlamourSugarTeenPop next time. Your first mistake was coming to see Facebreak, with special guest I Will Kill Your Dog With Metal.

If you are interested in moshing, enjoy. If the lead singer tells you he wants to see a circle pit in the middle, and you are not already in the middle, you will have to push your way in. The people in front of you not participating are sacrifices. Destroy them.

People. YOU ARE AT A HARDCORE SHOW. If you get forced into the pit, either deal, or make your way to one of the ends, and push out.

Screaming is ok. If you can hear yourself over the music, you shouldn’t be screaming.
If they want you to wave your lighter, do it. If you don’t have one, DON’T use your phone. It’s not really that cool at all.

Crowd surfing is expected. But when the security guards rip you out of the air before you can touch the guitarist, deal. Go to the back, push forward and try again. You’re a rebel. They can’t stop you.

If you get kicked in the head by a crowd surfer, deal.

If you have a crowd surfer dropped on you, you should have been lifting harder. It’s not gay to lift from the ass, as long as you let go.

Fatties can crowd surf at hardcore shows, but in moderation. There must be at least 3non-fat guys, and 4 attractive girls before a fattie can surf. This count restarts every time chubs get up on the crowd.

If the crowd starts pushing, and people get knocked down, do not help them up. They deserve no mercy. Do everything you can to crush them.

People. Don’t get knocked down. It’s a sign of weakness.

If the band members throw stuff to the crowd, dive bombing is acceptable to obtain said item.

If someone has a grip on said item, don’t claw at their hands to get it.

If it is something like a jacket, or item that can have multiple people holding it, pulling, shoving, and kicking are all allowed to get it fully in your control. If you are the last person holding something, it is yours. Drumsticks don’t count. If you snag one, it is yours, even though other people could have room to grab it.


If you text one more time, I will break your phone in half. Seriously. Is the show not interesting? Then leave! If you really need to text in-between set changes, go do it somewhere else. Like, not the show somewhere else.


General Rules:
Sound Techs. You guys do good things. But imagine yourself in the crowds place. Just because it sounds good on stage, or through a mixer doesn’t mean it’ll sound good in the audience.

Stage Techs: Bands couldn’t function without you. You are key. Just ignore the audience. If they tell you that you’re taking too long, who cares? They’ll appreciate it later, when the sick set up you did makes for a good show.

Musicians: Look alive! It’s called showmanship, remember? Not dullmanship. Also, your techs have very important jobs. You can move around them as well. All they’re trying to do is adjust your mike stand so you can use it. Don’t throw a hissy fit cause they’re in your way.

Audience: Just because you didn’t get anything doesn’t mean you can’t. Just ask. The vocalist of Brave New World gave two kids his drummers drumsticks because they asked. I got the rhythm guitarists pick from We the Kings because I asked a stage tech after the show.









Any questions?