Tht guy: In which a simple question leads to the best movie ever

Enjoy


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Doug Wood
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CancelInvite Doug: how do you break it to your roomie that he's going to be sexiled for like, a week

Sent at 6:36 PM on Tuesday

me: what does sexiled mean

Doug: exiled away from the dorm room, so i can fuck meghan all over the place
sexiled

me: just tell him that right there
hey

Doug: for an entire week?

me: one of my girlfriends is coming into town
you need to dissapear

Doug: i don't like him, but he lives here too

me: either you can do it
or i can MAKE you do it

Doug: haha

me: menacing stare

Doug: you can either do it, or i'll sic my sex starved angry girlfriend on you
she'll fucking cut you.

me: we will take turns drinking from a chalice filled with whatever blood remains in your body after we FUCKING KILL YOU
menacing stare
menacing hand stretching

Doug: menacing k-bar extracting

me: menacing k-bar extracting from small child

Sent at 6:41 PM on Tuesday

Doug: it's not quite dead yet, arms are still feebly resisting as i drive the k bar into it's skull.
toss the body to meghan, who begins to feast needily

me: yet, somehow, it still makes adorable baby sounds

Doug: somehow

me: barely hearable over the sounds of pelvis breaking and thigh chewing
Meghan
"Lemme see your wrist real quick"
she grabs your roomates wrist
takes a chunk out with her teeth
begins shaking his blood all over the baby
and eating more furiously

Doug: haha

me: Doug

Doug: looks up at me and goes: 'You know what would make this better? virgin blood"

me: "I told you, you could have left"
"But it's too late now"
lights flicker sinisterly
door slams closed
gust of wind whips through the room
camera pans out
black screen
exit room
4 hours later

enter room

blood EVERYWHERE

Doug: the entire scene looks like something out of doom 3

me: meghan and doug in post coital glow

Doug: on a bed of torn flesh

me: weaing roomies skull as hat
meghan is using baby femur to pick her teeth

Doug: i'm licking the bone marrow from roomie's humorous off meghan's chest
little bloody handprints all over the wall
yes. i think this is how it should go down

me: as scene fades to black
Doug
"I'm glad he stayed"
roll credits

Doug: we make the best movies ever.

me: this needs to go on the blog

Doug: yes it does.

me: i'll post it

Doug: okay

me: hang on




Don't you wish you could write like us?

-That guy