Meghan: Strange Dreams

When Meghan takes drugs her dreams get strange

Let me rephrase that: When Meghan takes drugs her dreams get freaky-fracking-hell-on-earth-trippy-weird

But they’re fun

I wouldn’t call them restful; interesting, yes, fun, definitely, restful, not so much

Let me demonstrate…

It was a fine sunny day in heaven and Abe, Jasmine, Sarah, and I floated on clouds

I lay back in restful joy and looked over at Abe to discover he was dressed like the white power ranger

I laughed at him until I discovered that I was dressed in similar garb (we all were)

While we exclaimed in dismay Doug landed among us carrying two squalling infants

We looked at him worriedly

“What?” he asked as he handed one to Abe

We looked at him more worriedly

“They’re not mine!” he exclaimed “Don’t you guys remember the babysitting agency.”

And then it dawned on us

Not only were we white power rangers, but we were a power ranger babysitter agency, doomed forever to…

…

…

Suddenly I was in a Frat/Sorority house owned/occupied by the F.F and my Suitemates (aka Doug, Abe, Sarah, Minel, Sarah, Rivers, and me), and I was answering the door whose doorbell had just rung. I opened it and the girl standing there burst in with her suitcases and demanded a room. I looked at her, confused, and asked who she was. She said she was my ex and I may have broken up with her but I was obligated to put her up when she needed it.

“Buh-buh-“ I stammered, “But I don’t have an ex girlfriend.”

“Yes. You do.” She insisted, and pushed past me.

I hovered over her, as she moved in, trying to figure out what to do. I couldn’t hit her, could I? No that would be bad. Could I call the cops? I suddenly felt overwhelming sympathy for the male species. I saw Doug and Abe on the way down the stairs and I nearly flew over to them.

“Help me with her!”

“She’s your problem.” They said shrugging

“I DON’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!!!”

They shrugged and walked out the front door.

I followed them out and all of the residents had a huge garage sale (except for our strange new inmate).

The next night the medicine of choice was cough syrup, as opposed to the migraine pills the night before

I had to have sex.

Not only did I have to have sex I had to have sex in every building of every city in every state of every country

And in every position

I told you my dreams weren’t restful? Ha, you have no idea

It’s like the adults telling kids that Santa Clause can’t possibly get to every child’s chimney in one night

Well I tell you, it is possible, some fricking way

The next morning, exhausted, happy, and coming back from Paris in a little car (I don’t know how it works it just does) I meet with Edward (yes it’s a code name). He pulls me to another car and tells me he has some exciting news. I eye him with misgivings

“And by exciting you mean…?

“They love it, isn’t it great?”

“They love what?”

“Our relationship, they’re going to do a special on it in the magazine.” He beamed at me, “Lilith’s going to meet us at the warehouse and then we’re going to give them an interview. They want to know everything about how our threesome works.”

“Th-Th-Th—“

The door to the car opened and the lights started flashing, I clutched at Edward’s arm; I couldn’t help it this was one secret that was not supposed to get out. But before I could stop it we were walking down a red carpet, me in a long evening gown and him in a tux. Lilith waved to us at the end of the carpet and the entrance to the building. I saw my Dad in a Volkswagen bug made of fish scales parked beyond the mob of reporters. What the-? Lilith linked arms on Edward’s other side and we strode into the dark building.

-Meghan