Meghan: Burned

I hate being helpless

When there is nothing I can do

There can never be nothing, there always; always HAS to be something, anything I can do. This is what my mind tells me when I’m not raging against the unfairness of it. But then the thought starts to creep;

What if I couldn’t do anything to fix it?

Never mind what ‘it’ is, think of your own ‘it’. What if I tried and I fought to fix it, bashing myself senseless against this unmoving, unrepeatable wall, only to prove the thing impossible to accomplish. Not out of self-pity, not out of weakness or failure, just…just a fact. A cold hard fact of life that I can’t do anything about.

Impossible

But I am me after all. These cold, facts that feel no pity for me can be beaten into me again and again and I won’t learn. I will run to the barriers; clawing, ripping, fighting the senselessness, trying to find a door whether there is one or not.

Is that stupid? I don’t know yet. In some ways, it’s the most foolish thing I could do; and in others it’s the most brilliant, the only thing that keeps me going.

like the child that touches the fire and is burned, but thinks that it’s beautiful enough to risk being burned

again, and again, and again

"Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing."

Oscar Wilde

-Meghan