That guy: First things first

First things first.

There is a song.
This is a pretty ok song. Maybe a 7 out of 10. But there is one part of it. This part will blow out your eyes. One of the greatest solos of your life. Of our time. In the cosmos. And so on.

I've been spinning through some of my 'older' cds to try and create a set of songs that shall make the greatest workout mix ever. It's a work in progress. But during the process, I stumbled across a song by a band I like, and they're a good group for working out to. Angry, violent, bonecrushing; they fill the catagories I look for. The guitarist, Dr. Dan Donagen, has a PH.d and doctorate. The phd is in Awsomesauce, and the doctorate is in kicking ass. He is taking a stay-at-home course on blowing your mind. And passing with flying colors.

Check it out. The song is 'Forgiven' by Disturbed. If you're interested, the solo starts at 2:43, or you could just listen to the whole thing. It's not a bad song. Just make sure you have a few extra pairs of underwear nearbye. I forgot to mention that Dan originally went to school for Panty Melting. I sure as hell know mine burst into satanic flames when my ears started bleeding.





And now that that's out of the way, more random stories for your entertainment, or, if you really don't enjoy them, hire someone to read and record them, and use them to help yourself fall asleep at night. Like, self-hypnosis or some shit.



I bike home after work. It's late. It's dark. There's strange people all over the place. Drivers aren't paying attention. It's colder than Dick Masterson at a Bulimcs Anonymous meeting.

There are several things nicer at that point.

-Grocery shopping. There is no one except stockers and one or two running the register. It's quiet, calm, and you get the freshly straightened shelves to destroy by yourself.

-Subway. The one on San Mateo doesn't close till 1:00 am. Nothing, I repeat, nothing, is better than a hot, fresh sub, with crisp, cool veggies at 12:58 in the morning.

But I digress. I want to talk about the people. Who's out and about at strange times?

There's the usual bunch. People walking out from the movie theater. People outside of the bars. For some reason, the cops like to hang out at Subway from around 9:30 till 11 or so. Do you think there's a force discount?

Every now and then, there's someone who wants to talk. Why not? Amongst the thugs, cholos, dustheads, barhoppers, lateworkers, and such, it might be nice to find someone who's willing to listen to you.

Tonight was not the case.

As I was biking down San Mateo, in the light of the street, I could see a shiny vest. One of those reflective ones that crossing guards wear. I figure, 'Eh. It's some dude who wants to make sure he can be seen.' Probably about 40 feet out, I can read it. SECURITY is emblazzened across this guy's chest. I'm like.......... ok. What's this guy doing out here? He looks like he wants to be jumped. I get closer and do a double take. As I pass by him, I realise, I just passed by the white version of that guy Zeus, from No Holds Barred. For those of you who don't know, Zeus is played by Tommy 'Tiny' Lister. More recent point of reference. He was the HUGE black convict in The Dark Knight, who throws the bomb remote out the window on the prison boat. If you still cant remember who that is, here's a picture for you.

http://www.tommytinylister.com/photos.phtml?viewphoto=photos/scan0011.jpg

Keep in mind, he's taller than Doug. By several inches.

And this security guy I passed by looked like him, except white, and armed to the teeth.
My thought process went from, 'Why's he here?' to 'Nothing in the world is more secure than whatever he's securing."

Just walking down the sidewalk.


That's all.



P.S. If you had seen No Holds Barred and could tell me that the main character was Hulk Hogan, 50 man points.

If you can name something other than Pro-Wrestling, No Holds Barred, and that stupid show on MTV or VH1 or whatever that Hulk Hogan has been in, 50 man points. No internetting, now.

If you can name something other than No Holds Barred and The Dark Knight that Tiny Lister was in, 50 man points. Still no internetting.



Good night.